Step By Step

Uuuggghh!!!
Not gonna lie, this isn’t very easy. As I try to find time in between the obligations to others, I start wondering if I’m fooling myself. Am I just stuck in this “living for somebody else” energy? Maybe it’s too late to find solid ground and change my world around. Being honest, yesterday I didn’t do anything but binge-watch an old t.v. show that I didn’t even realize I’d enjoy as much. Perhaps it was just the need to not think (although I did) and ruminate over being stuck.

But while binge-watching some “dramedy”, I came to a conclusion to do a little something each day. That is, take even tinier steps than I planned on making. I think that I’ve focused too much on the final goal; which, is quite a leap from where I currently stand. So this is a reminder to self to put in place stepping stones and milestone achievements to assist me along this journey. In the process, I hope to be comfortable in who I am while being more and more grateful in the process as I pass each mark. Who knows if I’ll ever reach that ideal apex of life, but at least I can begin enjoying the journey and not find myself in the same spot 6 months (or years!) from now still wondering “what if”.

To even try to reach that ideal apex I have to start.
It’s time I show up for my self even if it’s little by little. Because maybe, hopefully, that will be the momentum needed for progression. I’ve been reading, meditating, listening to self-help motivational audio for years- only to come to a conclusion of how self-unaware I had been all this time! In turn, I’ve placed this urgency on rectifying my life in as little time as possible to make up for all of the “wandering time.”
However, as I ponder on just how to do that, I stay stuck. Stuck because my mental muscles aren’t yet developed enough to take such leaps and bounds, and I’m terrified that I’m still lost, that I’m again so unaware of who I am and where I’m going. But, I have to have faith.

So my plan is to take more reasonably smaller steps in order to build the momentum and confidence needed to make solidifying, aligning, and elevating actions. I have to take faithful action while allowing myself room to blunder and to express an idea one day, then the next week know that the idea was terrible. I’m free to change my mind; that’s a part of creating! Being comfortable in understanding something as one way only to realize later that I was completely off. It’s ok to be wrong sometime; it’s a part of the process. I remind myself that there are plenty of successful people who have blundered, who have changed their focus, and who have made pivots along the way. It’s ok that I haven’t been on a perfect path and will possibly continue to make mistakes but, at least I’m trying and at least I’m on my journey.